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[emelbe]

I started indoor climbing about three months ago. I got a free belay lesson at a local gym through a friend and after my first climb, I was hooked. I’ve been back 1-2 times per week since. In general, I’ve done routes within or just a touch beyond my known ability but I try to push myself at least a little. If there’s a route I don’t finish, I keep attempting it every time I go until either they take it down or I succeed.

But one of my trips this week? It was all about failure.

The first route I did was a 5.10a (more info on route grades available here) that I hadn’t done before but looked within my ability. Then I went back to one that I’d failed a few times and finally completed but not as smoothly as I’d liked; I failed again this time. (Overhangs are my friggin’ kryptonite.) Tried one just outside my comfort zone and failed. Revisited one I’ve yet to finish; failed.

Three in a row. Boom.

At that point, instead of getting dejected and stepping down to easier routes, my goal became continued failure. From then on forward, I didn’t try a single route I thought I could finish. Not one. Mostly 5.10b. I got at least six feet off the ground on all of them. I made it half way up on most of them. I even finished two, surprising myself.

And, you know what? It felt great. I had to move in ways I haven’t moved before, take leaps (or falls or launches) of faith that I’d never attempted, and trust in the physics of the climb and my own strength and balance in ways that I hadn’t. The next day I was sore—Hell, that night I was sore—but in my head? There was and is no little failure monster dancing around, only satisfaction that I’d pushed and been rewarded for it, even when I didn’t palm the top of the route. Maybe even if I hadn’t palmed any of them.

Climbing will not be about failure every day. Some days will be about comfort. Some will be about fun and some will be about technique. Some will be about power and some will be about flow. But there will also be days when failure is not just an option but the preferred outcome.

I think I always believed there to be value in that but now I know it in a way that I didn’t before.